Friday, August 14, 2009

the space we cannot touch (delilah)

there is the thinnest of veils between us
a shroud so soft and almost intangible
like a mist that haunts our fingerprints as we reach out
we search for escapes, for exit and entry from one to another
we cannot touch
you gazed at me through the distortion, amidst the crowd and then smiled
strangers we were, though in that moment you knew me and i knew you
my thoughts gave rise to craving and then eventually what felt like hunger
what is this? i thought.
those were the tiny seeds of confusion...
those who watched, their brows furrowed so quizzically
i smiled, silently and so knowingly
i felt sweet gratitude to the universe and a welcome warmth encompassed my heart
you knew me, and i knew you
therein lay the tragedy
always together, always divided
as hard as we tried the veil was ever present
always you said, never i replied.
i thought i'd give you my heart if only you'd asked, and all that was left of me
from the beginning of all to the end of everything
all that remained of those lost broken pieces that you knew so well but never ran away from
you could never have my heart because you would never ask
you would disappear then return again and again, but somehow it all counts for naught
the divide with its glorious distortion was an immeasurable constant
always and never
this paralyzing temptation burned through my veins and in your eyes when you'd look into mine
it eroded my resolve and drove me mad
the empty echo of a quiet hope rang loudly in my conscience everyday of our long silence
i hoped i would cry so that i might collapse into sweet surrender
so that i might let you go
but the waiting never ended and i remained in limbo

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

roadies (Amy)

She walked through the door, eyes cast downward with the corners of her mouth pulled down into that very familiar frown. Everyone noticed and almost immediately the initial high that had the crew abuzz from simply being around each other had died off and faded into the floorboards.

Delilah was the first to see Amy when she entered the Cafe and her first thought was 'this cannot be good', almost simultaneoulsy the boisterous chatter amongst the Roadies Crew had evaporated and an uncomfortable quiet fell over all of them.

Amongst the crew Amy wasn't too well known for being able to handle emotion all that well, but they loved her nonetheless. In fact, this was not the first time that something like this had happened needless to say that it there always seemed to be something going on Amy and eventually each of them learned how to work around the discomforting vibe in their own way.

Like every other time Amy tucked herself away at a table in the corner of the restaurant to be by herself, but ironically it was always so obvious that she wanted people around in spite of her attempt at hiding. It never took too long before someone would ask her what was the matter, and more often than not it was the same thing she had going on last week and the week before that. And everytime it seemed that the solution to most, if not, all of her issues was a very generous dose of perspective. There were times when Delilah wondered if this was all just learned behaviour or whether or not Amy even realised that her actions resemebled those of a petulant child, not that she would ever say such things.

That day was particularly bad because just as the door opened and the light through the windows washed over Amy's expression Delilah noticed tears forming and threatened to fall from her exhausted eyes. This meant only one thing- the issue that so often reared its ugly head had come to visit once more. It was obvious to everyone that something had happened between Amy and here pseudo on-again-off-again boyfriend Mick. The tension eeked out into the rest of the cafe and sapped all their energy as it weaved through each of them one by one. They all knew that once any one of them was in that kind of mood it was over. They were unapproachable and it was virtually impossible to get them out of their own heads.

Lara was the first to greet her.

"Hey pookie, what's up?"

"Oh nothing you know... work is stupid! Now I have to work again for the second time today and everything sucks." The words dribbled in a monotonous garbled moan. Lara knew as they all did that she was just warming up. It didnt take very long at all before Amy's verbal onslaught caught alight and began when the tears inevitably fell. Mick, the jackass, had broken up with her - again. Despite her friends objections Amy always insisted that she was happy with the way things were, and as they saw itshe was stranded in a kind of relationship limbo. By giving him what he wanted she never truly got what she wanted and thus the cycle perpetuated itself. Taking her at her word the rest of the Roadies crew never really brought the topic up because they realised that their reasoning would onlny fall on deaf ears and that there was nothing else they could do.


So went for a surf on one of the most beautiful days in history. It was last sunday that I decided to push my limits and try surfing properly for the first time. I went with a friend to Surfers Paradise, and paradise it was. The sun was gorgeous and the water cool and inviting - even though it's still winter here in the land of Oz there was barely even the slightest chill I couldn't have asked for a better day, it was exactly what I needed. For about 2 hours my delight Brit and I made bums of ourselves on a sand bank, and just when parked our behinds to synthesise some Vitamin D the most awesome thing happened. Some unknown well-built boy from the island immediately started playing the ukulele behind us, now if that isn't the cherry on top I don't know what is.