Monday, December 14, 2009

ZOMBIELAND REVIEW... ***** (rating)

You can keep your wimpy glittering vampires and bitchy wolf-boys; give me big guns, dead bodies, a banjo bashing and a Woody any day of the week. With impeccable direction by Ruben Fleischer (Fantasy Factory), the zombie romp follows former geek shut-in Columbus (Jesse Eisenberg) on his travels to find safety, Ma and Pa Columbus and the ever elusive hot girl through the treacherous United States of Zombieland. In this delicious post-apocalyptic fun ride the infestation of un-dead is caused by none other than our favourite insane bovine infection. Armed with his double-barrel and endless list of survival rules Columbus makes his way cross-country from one public toilet to another until he crosses paths with the mysterious Tallahassee (Woody Harrelson), a seriously dangerous man with a disturbing fixation for Twinkies. Together they travel and find themselves hustled by a pair of cutesy kick-ass girls Wichita (Emma Stone, The House Bunny) and Little Rock (Abigail Breslin, My Sister’s Keeper) with brains that surpass the size and prowess of both men. The four join forces to make their way west to Pacific Playland which is apparently the only place left that isn’t overrun with the un-dead. As expected chaos ensues.
Eisenberg, known for his role in Adventureland opposite Kristen Stewart, is dork-tastic as the bumbling, neurotic and cloistered Columbus. Eisenberg's instinctive feel for the edge-dwelling characters has served him well in this one. As a viewer you pity him for all his phobias and irksome quirks, but in the end you just can’t help but root for the poor bastard. Harrelson was untouchable as the borderline psychotic tough-guy Tallahassee and one can’t help but watch in awe as he creatively dispatches some seriously ravenous zombies.
Overall this is a rollercoaster of a film, you’ll laugh, you’ll scoff and you’ll cry (from more laughter). Seamlessly folded together and backed with a knock-
out soundtrack featuring some classics like the Blue Oyster Cult‘s Don‘t Fear the Reaper and Metallica’s For Whom the Bell Tolls you can’t go wrong with this one. A good ride all the way from start to finish. You just can’t beat that.

Thursday, December 3, 2009


alright kids this isn't about stories anymore, this all about what's real. from now on reviews and blogs on music and all that is good in real life. comment all you want i thoroughly enjoy criticism. much love always.

Les Claypool @ the Tivoli Theatre Dec 1st 2009

The night was movie time picturesque, the moon was full and the clouds rode on chilled breezes across the sky above Brisbane city. Meanwhile, pocketed away in the valley an anxious line formed outside the Tivoli theatre and waited in anticipation for none other than Les Claypool promoting his latest work " Of Fungi and Foe".

Before the crowd of 600 or so patrons Claypool, who is arguably the best bass player in the music game, gave the audience far more than they bargained for. With his distinctive layering of jazzy, funkadelic grooves and punky riffs topped off with his creepy hoe-down country vocals the entire act was bestial and unyielding from beginning to end. His oddball playful humour played through in tracks like "Red State Girl" where even Sarah Palin gets a tongue-in-cheek shout out and in "Rumble of the Diesel", Claypool was untouchable. The "Duchess and the Proverbial Mind Spread" brought out his gritty styling and eerily surreal riffs that bled into the ground reached up and shook the crowd till they roared for more.

Backed by suited mystery men disguised with masks of dead presidents, the percussion, drums and the spectral whines of the cello set the air on fire. The entire evening felt like a demonic game of follow-the-leader. The devilish Claypool sporting a bowler hat cavorted around like a droog straight out of
A Clockwork Orange. In "Booneville Stomp" the drums and percussion battled feverishly playing with a synchronicity that had audience members shaking their heads in disbelief. While in the beginning there were some very minor technical issues with the sound levels, nothing held back the undeniable presence of each of the men on stage. This left of center act, if you have the pleasure of seeing it, will blow your mind. Even those not usually interested in the genre will leave with nothing but the utmost respect for the devil and his posse.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


The bronze, amber and gold light seeped through the blinds and flooded across the hospital bed. The colours blurred together in a warm haze, as her eyes flitted open she experienced that familiar twinge of hurt when they adjusted. Dusk.
What time was it? What day was it? There was no way to know how long she’d been unconscious. It could have been hours, days or even weeks. The entire notion of losing time caused a chill through her veins. Shit. How did this even happen? She thought.
The one and only thing she could recall with total clarity was seeing the sun disappear into the horizon as she crossed the city bridge. She was on her way to see him, she wanted to tell him what happened. It was her favourite time of day, sometimes it was so beautiful that it caused her heart to break. Maybe that was the reason, she thought. Maybe she was so lost in her own head she hadn’t seen the car run the red light when it slammed into her.
She sat alone in the half-dark room and stared into the endless blank of the wall before her. The accident played in her mind in an horrific slow-motion loop, it made her stomach fill with lead and fall into oblivion. The images of the twisted metal, scorched asphalt and shattered glass etched themselves on her slightly broken brain.
Once the nurse came in she was very clearly surprised to find her once comatose patient wide awake. I must have been out for a while. She thought. The nurse hovered about the bed in her regulation whites and squeaky shoes. She fussed and fiddled around with switches and dials, flipped pages on her clipboard, and checked monitors and rechecked vital signs. In a flurry she mumbled something about so many visitors and then scuttled out the door without another word.
Visitors? What visitors? Where are they now? A sweet familiar vanilla-scented blur walked through the doorway. A bundle of warmth and love glided in, gushing and showering her with hugs and kisses. That smell, she knew it so well, it was her sister.
Dear sweet Kayleigh was so caring and selfless to a fault. Even though she worried far more than she ought to and drove everyone mad, they loved her for it.
“I’m so glad you’re back. Lana, I was so scared.” Her tearful smile radiated gratitude for nothing more than her sister being alive and well. “Don’t ever scare us like that again.”
Lana couldn’t speak, her throat was dry and every inch of her ached and burned. She just barely managed a smile. She wished she could hold her sister and tell her that everything would be alright, even if she didn’t know it to be true. Sometimes all people need is a little hope.
It wasn’t long before the rest of the family flooded into the tiny room surrounding her with gentle smiles and well wishes. She couldn’t show pain because they couldn’t handle seeing it, she knew that and so she sat there and smiled for them. Marina, her other sister had brought her famous brownies and her baby brother Davis had brought her iPod, the one thing she’d always said she couldn’t live without. She loved that they knew her so well.
Marina said that their parents had been at home resting and were on their way. Meanwhile Kayleigh’s son, Finn, sat on the foot of the bed playing hide n’ seek amongst the blankets despite the fact his poor aunt couldn’t even move. He was the sunlight in the room even as the stars had already started to show themselves outside. Even while everyone’s thoughts were filled with worry and despair, little Finn had the ability to change the mood of the entire room simply by entering it.
A different nurse came in to change her bandages and sent everyone off to the cafeteria for the meantime. Reluctant as they were she didn’t seem like the sort of woman you could say no to, she was stocky and well worn by time you could tell just by looking into her steely eyes. Lana gave her family that little extra push they needed. She whispered how she longed for sleep at least just for a little while. She was quietly grateful once her family was gone, the chatter and gushing was getting to be too much. She had begun to truly appreciate the light wistful silence. It wasn’t that she didn’t want her family around, merely that open signs of affection had always made her a touch uncomfortable. Often times this lead people to believe she was cold and heartless, though she didn‘t mind.
Her small measure of peace was short lived when a hesitant and familiar silhouette filled the doorway. As the light exposed his striking features Lana could have sworn for a moment that her heart had stopped. Of all the people in the world he was the last she’d ever expected to see there. Yet he was the only one she truly longed to see.
“I heard what happened and I had to see if you were okay.” His voice was edged with concern, sadness and regret. She could recognise the beginnings of tears in his eyes, though he bit them back. He was a lot like her in that sense, stoic and hidden away behind defensive walls. As much as she could wish for it he would never hold her. Like always, he maintained his distance careful never to touch her despite the fact he so longed to do just that. To hold her and know that she was still there, to know that she was okay.
That had always been the problem between them. Distance. An inescapable void that no bridge could cross, no matter how hard they tried. She couldn’t help thinking, what is he doing here? After everything they had agreed to let each other go so that they might be able to fully live their lives.
“Noah. W-water please.” Lana rasped. How could he not help her, and so momentarily forgetting their unspoken restraints and rules he was at her bedside in an instant. Gently, he raised the little plastic cup to her dried lips. His eyes intently watched her struggle to swallow. Each pained expression on her face made his brows furrow with worry.
“Thank you.” she said grimacing slightly at the scraping sensation in her throat.
As she looked in his eyes she wondered what it was she saw there. Was it pain? Concern? Or maybe it was just pity. She felt the brush of his fingertips on the back of her hand, his skin was cold but softer than she’d remembered. She’d missed him more than she cared to admit to anyone, including herself. They were never more than just friends. It was a painful kind of love, it was silent and hopeless but love nonetheless. Once she took her eyes away from his soulful gaze and looked down at their hands intertwined, a terrible stone lodged itself in her throat. There before her, shiny and menacing, was his glinting white-gold wedding ring. Lana took her hand away.
“I missed you.” Noah’s words were almost inaudible. While they meant so much, and she wished so many times to hear them, they caused her so much more pain. Painkillers. I need more painkillers, she thought. Marina and the others will be back soon, what would they say. He shouldn’t have been there and they both knew it. Their so-called friendship was over and it was best for both of them. He was married and a father. But there he was.
“Why are you here?” She whispered and found it very hard to meet his gaze.
“You know why.” There was clear meaning in his eyes and the silence that followed was the kind that the two of them knew all too well. “I was worried, I needed to see for myself that you were okay.”
“My family is downstairs, they’ll be back soon.” It was her way of saying what they were both thinking. They couldn’t be seen together. He shouldn’t have been there, he should have been at home with his loving wife and beautiful baby girl. Lana shouldn’t have wanted him to stay, but there they were. “You know me, I’m always okay.” She smiled weakly and avoided his unrelenting eyes. She couldn’t think straight with his eyes on her like that, it could have been the medication but she very much doubted it. He’d always had that effect on her and she tried her hardest never to show it. He smiled in the delicious way she loved, the way he did when they shared the same thought.
“Yes, you are.” He said. Her heart pounded in her chest and the damn heart monitor beep quickened along with it. She truly resented that damned machine. Noah’s dark eyes went empty and distant, he was disappearing right in front of her. He released his grip and started toward the door, she was safe and he couldn‘t be more grateful for the fact.
“I missed you too.” The words leapt out of her mouth in a low whisper. For a moment she thought he’d missed it, but it had stopped him just within the doorframe. He looked back and for second she wondered whether she would ever get to see him again.
“I’ll be seeing you.”
“Only if you’re lucky.” That was the only time that he hadn’t smiled when she’d said that. She hadn’t heard the approaching footsteps and it took just a second for her to realise that wasn’t the reason he hadn’t smiled. There was someone there. He had been caught out somewhere he shouldn’t have been and there was nothing they could do.
“What are you doing here?” The other voice asked curtly. As soon as she’d heard it, she understood why Noah hadn‘t just continued walking.
“Luca,” Speaking his name and the sight of his gentle face made her want to cry. She’d never seen him so ragged and run down, he looked as though he hadn’t slept in days, “it’s okay. I’m fine.” She smiled and tried to make everything seem okay, but she was so weak.
“I said. What are you doing here Noah?” The silence hung low and dark like a foreboding storm cloud. The young man stood tall in the doorway, tired and dishevelled, he was still so beautiful and seemed so innocent. He just wanted to protect her, his sweet young heart didn’t know how to do anything else.
Noah walked away looked back and said gently “Lana, I’ll be seeing you.” He walked passed Luca without so much as another word. As he did so poor Lana suddenly felt a horrible dread in her core that the two would come to blows as they had so many other times before. Thankfully, Luca saw the pained expression on her face and let it go. His clenched fists made it clear that he’d wanted retribution for all things past.
“You’re here.” He leaned in held her tightly and she kissed his forehead. His scent filled her nose and she was taken back to the night before the accident. It took her back to when he’d locked her in his arms and refused to let go. They had been fighting over Noah again, they had both said horrible things they didn’t mean. She wanted to take a break and get her head straight about where their life together was headed, he simply couldn’t accept it. He was four years her junior and at times he found her logic hard to understand. The complexities of life eluded him somewhat. More often than not his view of things were very black and white while most of her life was in the grey area.
He’d thought she was leaving to be with Noah. He could never quite grasp that no matter what Noah would always be a part of her. And so they would scream and shout and on the odd occasion Lana even threw things at him out of frustration. But in the back of their minds they knew that it would be ok, that they would be ok. They simply needed to fight about it and work the tension out. That was their way, a small side effect of the years between them. They drove one another insane, but there was a kind of beauty in that. She was jaded and cold at times, while he was always optimistic and had an infallible good nature. They were two sides of the same coin.
“I spoke to the police. They said when they pulled you out of the wreck there were suitcases in the backseat.” His boyish face was etched with sadness. For days and days he’d stressed and racked his brain trying to overcome the thought of her trying to run away.
“Yes… and?” She could see it all in his face, the way his chin wrinkled ever so slightly when he was trying to hide a frown. Despite the pain she knew she’d cause she couldn’t and wouldn’t lie to him. She would never lie to anyone, they would get the unmitigated truth no matter what. It was for that reason that the word bitch was sometimes used to describe her. It was only those who truly understood like her family, Noah and Luca that loved her anyway albeit ambivalently.
“Where were you going?”
“The Laundromat. Apparently its fiscally irresponsible to keep buying new clothes rather than wash the old ones.” She hated that she had to hurt him that way. At times she loathed him for being the child that he was in comparison to her. The years between them were sometimes too many. There were moments when she’d resent the fact she had to explain to him how the world worked. Other days she couldn’t just explain, she had to push and pull him in the right directions. “What Luca? What would you have me say?”
“Why are you being like this?” His voice dripped with worry and dread. The question saturated the air and made it thick as black oil. She could feel the floor falling out from beneath his feet and she was the one who threw the switch. The truth, there was always the truth. She wouldn’t hold back and he knew it. He had to know and she saw the cogs in his mind spin away getting him ready for what came next. Luca was bracing himself.
“I was leaving.” She looked right into his heart and didn’t flinch. Tell him only what he needs to know. Nothing more, nothing less.
“For him?”
“For me. I had to get away.” In the back of her mind she knew there was no avoiding the issue. He would pursue it endlessly no matter how much it hurt. “It was nothing to do with you or him, just me.”
“Is that why no one else has come to see you? Not Delilah, Chris or the others.”
“They haven’t come here, because they don’t know.” The core of the matter was that Lana hadn’t told anyone at all she was leaving. Not a soul. She had no choice but to leave, it was best for everyone that way. They could go about their lives peacefully without her.
“Goddamnit Lana, why?”
“They needn’t worry, I’m fine. Everything is fine, I won’t be going anywhere anytime soon.” She held her ground and never let him once gain any footing on the unceasing wall he so often fought to climb over. “Stop pushing Luca.”
He stood by the bed his hands stuffed into his pockets while his eyes focused keenly on hers. He was searching for something. And she knew he would never truly find it.

He walked through his days in a kind of wakeful sleep. Every one was just like the one before and very quickly he grew painfully tired of it all. Running the restaurant from early morning on into the night took him to the point where it started to plague all other aspects of his life. Everything revolved around it. Then finally came the day when he’d realised work and the restaurant had become his life, the sole reason he‘d get out of bed in the morning. He would awaken resentful and sometimes saddened about everything he‘d missed out on, everything he‘d given up. He would sit on the edge of his king-sized bed with fancy sheets and feel like shit. There were times he would look at his wife as sweet and beautiful as the day they met and he’d feel nothing.
One June afternoon he’d been scattered about the restaurant as usual. He ran about directing staff and filling stock orders. He was trying to be in ten different places simultaneously. At the time when it should have been the peak hour lunch rush, the dining room was astonishingly empty. Noah did two walk-throughs and found himself at a loss. He didn’t know what to do with himself. And for the first time he sat down at one of the tables and had lunch at lunchtime. He found that he enjoyed the peaceful stillness as he looked around at the few patrons they did have. He watched them while away the afternoon drinking their soy lattes and swallowing down their gourmet Panini.
There were three tables, a bunch of suits sat and worked out the finer points of a business venture, two teen lovebirds hid far off in one of the corner booths and two young ladies sat at the bay window catching up for coffee. Amidst the warm sun and quiet there would be random sporadic explosions of laughter, he‘d wished for more days like that.
It was late afternoon and all but the two young women were left there. Noah had already shut most of the place down for the off-hours and turned the closed sign around. One of the girls was pale with a slender frame, had a short pixie-cut that made her big hazel eyes standout. From what Noah could gather her name was Ellie. She was soft spoken and reserved in comparison to her friend. The other had jet black hair and deep brown eyes, she was wholly unremarkable unless one was really looking. Had the circumstances been different Noah would probably have never noticed her. Her smile was just a little crooked but there was an inviting warmth behind it that couldn’t be ignored. Just by looking at her Noah knew that she wasn’t all that she seemed. She said her name was Lana.
“I’m sorry ladies but we’ve got to shut up the restaurant now to prep for the dinner shift.” He’d never liked asking patrons to leave, it made him feel rude and uncomfortable. Ellie gave him a scolding glare one that burned with the words ‘how dare you’.
“No. That’s fine we understand.” Lana waved off the concern on his face. He figured she must work in the same industry. She collected her belongings and followed him to the counter to settle the bill. Meanwhile Ellie grumbled some sardonic remark about the appalling service. No matter how many times he experienced disgruntled customers it always stung him when they reacted that way.
“Thanks very much.” He said in his sincerest voice.
“No, no thank you.” She smiled and he noticed something in her gaze that seemed familiar despite the fact they had never met before. He thought it strange and somewhat unsettling. He couldn’t help but keep his eyes on her as she and Ellie made their way out. Shortly after he locked the door he’d found himself thinking of that smile again and again. He thought of it as he cleared the tables and prepped the bar. The thought distracted him even more so when he was assigning rosters in the back office. He’d always hated being surrounded by that lofty overhanging silence. What was that? He found himself wondering more often than not. When Davis walked into the room he wasn’t entirely sure what he’d interrupted, but he had a feeling that it wasn’t anything good. The tension in the room was palpable, he could even taste it‘s battery-acid tinge. His sister wouldn’t meet anyone’s eyes and Luca was angry, that was somewhat indicated by his jaw which was very tightly clenched. Just like his sister, Davis was astute at reading people, which at times was a curse rather than a gift. Lana didn’t want to talk. She was never really one for understanding what ‘normal’ people did, despite how ever hard she tried.
“Lana, what was he doing here?” Luca asked her, ignoring her brother right beside her. That was when the coin dropped, the moment Davis figured everything out. He’d heard these arguments before, time and again they would fight like animals about the past his sister once had a long time ago. The past, it seemed had caught up with all of them.
“Just leave it alone.” Davis cautioned gently. His sister looked at him and with a quiet meaningful glance. He understood immediately. He kissed her gently on the forehead and left. “Luca, you better not upset her. Understood?” Luca nodded, knew better than to cross Lana’s brother. The inside joke all over town was that her family was much worse than any mafia. They were on a first name basis with most of the local police, and not for good reason.
“Why was he here?” The tension in his voice was unmistakeable, she could hear his heartache, sadness and doubt. He asked because he couldn’t read her the same way that Davis and Noah could. He needed to know what was going on.
“He was here because…” her voice trailed off, she knew the words would hurt him. She wanted to swallow them and make them disappear into the depths, but she couldn’t so she continued, “because he loves me. He wanted to make sure I was okay.”
All the air had left the room and what little that was left in Luca’s lungs simply vanished. She knew what it felt like to have such a bomb dropped in a single terrifying moment. Unfortunately for Luca, lying to spare someone’s feelings just wasn’t her style. He’d known that from the very beginning but somehow he thought that one day things would change and Lana would be able to truly open up to him. She had her own ways of letting him know how she felt but it was always in between the lines. And so for as long as they had been together he was never completely sure if she’d loved him the same way. Just by looking into his stormy blue eyes Lana could tell what he’d say next and there was no preparing for it.
“Do you love him?” It was the one question that was never asked out loud. She’d wondered at times why Luca had always skipped around the issue as though he were avoiding the plague. In the back of her mind she knew just as he did that they were too scared to know. But the question had finally been asked, and in that moment they both knew that everything was about to change.
“Yes,” The question that loomed overhead for as long as they were together had finally been answered, but that wouldn’t be the end of it. That single word had simultaneously opened the flood gates to a thousand more question marks, “as much as I love you.” Her response caused more frustration than understanding for them both.

The resonance in the bar changed the moment she walked through the door, the atmosphere lifted and everyone took notice. He definitely noticed he couldn’t help himself.

Friday, August 14, 2009

the space we cannot touch (delilah)

there is the thinnest of veils between us
a shroud so soft and almost intangible
like a mist that haunts our fingerprints as we reach out
we search for escapes, for exit and entry from one to another
we cannot touch
you gazed at me through the distortion, amidst the crowd and then smiled
strangers we were, though in that moment you knew me and i knew you
my thoughts gave rise to craving and then eventually what felt like hunger
what is this? i thought.
those were the tiny seeds of confusion...
those who watched, their brows furrowed so quizzically
i smiled, silently and so knowingly
i felt sweet gratitude to the universe and a welcome warmth encompassed my heart
you knew me, and i knew you
therein lay the tragedy
always together, always divided
as hard as we tried the veil was ever present
always you said, never i replied.
i thought i'd give you my heart if only you'd asked, and all that was left of me
from the beginning of all to the end of everything
all that remained of those lost broken pieces that you knew so well but never ran away from
you could never have my heart because you would never ask
you would disappear then return again and again, but somehow it all counts for naught
the divide with its glorious distortion was an immeasurable constant
always and never
this paralyzing temptation burned through my veins and in your eyes when you'd look into mine
it eroded my resolve and drove me mad
the empty echo of a quiet hope rang loudly in my conscience everyday of our long silence
i hoped i would cry so that i might collapse into sweet surrender
so that i might let you go
but the waiting never ended and i remained in limbo

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

roadies (Amy)

She walked through the door, eyes cast downward with the corners of her mouth pulled down into that very familiar frown. Everyone noticed and almost immediately the initial high that had the crew abuzz from simply being around each other had died off and faded into the floorboards.

Delilah was the first to see Amy when she entered the Cafe and her first thought was 'this cannot be good', almost simultaneoulsy the boisterous chatter amongst the Roadies Crew had evaporated and an uncomfortable quiet fell over all of them.

Amongst the crew Amy wasn't too well known for being able to handle emotion all that well, but they loved her nonetheless. In fact, this was not the first time that something like this had happened needless to say that it there always seemed to be something going on Amy and eventually each of them learned how to work around the discomforting vibe in their own way.

Like every other time Amy tucked herself away at a table in the corner of the restaurant to be by herself, but ironically it was always so obvious that she wanted people around in spite of her attempt at hiding. It never took too long before someone would ask her what was the matter, and more often than not it was the same thing she had going on last week and the week before that. And everytime it seemed that the solution to most, if not, all of her issues was a very generous dose of perspective. There were times when Delilah wondered if this was all just learned behaviour or whether or not Amy even realised that her actions resemebled those of a petulant child, not that she would ever say such things.

That day was particularly bad because just as the door opened and the light through the windows washed over Amy's expression Delilah noticed tears forming and threatened to fall from her exhausted eyes. This meant only one thing- the issue that so often reared its ugly head had come to visit once more. It was obvious to everyone that something had happened between Amy and here pseudo on-again-off-again boyfriend Mick. The tension eeked out into the rest of the cafe and sapped all their energy as it weaved through each of them one by one. They all knew that once any one of them was in that kind of mood it was over. They were unapproachable and it was virtually impossible to get them out of their own heads.

Lara was the first to greet her.

"Hey pookie, what's up?"

"Oh nothing you know... work is stupid! Now I have to work again for the second time today and everything sucks." The words dribbled in a monotonous garbled moan. Lara knew as they all did that she was just warming up. It didnt take very long at all before Amy's verbal onslaught caught alight and began when the tears inevitably fell. Mick, the jackass, had broken up with her - again. Despite her friends objections Amy always insisted that she was happy with the way things were, and as they saw itshe was stranded in a kind of relationship limbo. By giving him what he wanted she never truly got what she wanted and thus the cycle perpetuated itself. Taking her at her word the rest of the Roadies crew never really brought the topic up because they realised that their reasoning would onlny fall on deaf ears and that there was nothing else they could do.


So went for a surf on one of the most beautiful days in history. It was last sunday that I decided to push my limits and try surfing properly for the first time. I went with a friend to Surfers Paradise, and paradise it was. The sun was gorgeous and the water cool and inviting - even though it's still winter here in the land of Oz there was barely even the slightest chill I couldn't have asked for a better day, it was exactly what I needed. For about 2 hours my delight Brit and I made bums of ourselves on a sand bank, and just when parked our behinds to synthesise some Vitamin D the most awesome thing happened. Some unknown well-built boy from the island immediately started playing the ukulele behind us, now if that isn't the cherry on top I don't know what is.

Wednesday, July 29, 2009

late night delirious mind

I have been awake since six 6am yesterday in aproximately 5 hours it will be a full 24 hours since I last enjoyed sweet unconciousness. At this very second my brain is abuzz with all the things I wantto do in my life... And in a perfect moment of clarity I realised there's nothing in my way. Not really, the only thing in the way is me. And so from here on out I won't let my mind (more sepcifically my tendency to overthink) get in the way of anything.
Right now I am trying to wind down after a very full day. here in my half-dark room I dine on coco pops and my eyes feast on cartoons that make me nostalgic for years when things were simpler and not every thing had to make sense. I have many adventures ahead of me and starting this Sunday IT IS ON. More to come later... stay tuned.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

learning curve...

One love, one heart - let's get it together now and we can feel alright. By Bob Marley.

For anyone who knows me you'll understand that I'm an odd sort, kind of a kook. In fact, the word random is thrown around a lot another thing some might know is that I don't deal with sharing feelings and such all that well. This blog, I suppose, is a bridge for the gap. This is more about having a conversation with myself rather than sharing myself with the world. If someone out there somewhere finds truth in anything that I have to say then all the better. I find comfort in music all day everyday, and in my microblogs on twitter (yes yes I know what people think: I'm a geek, whatever). I like to share the love and spread the feeling of comfort over the web. It's not much in the way of the big wide world but hey it's a start. The reason I'm writing about this at all is because over the past six months I've tried to change my viewpoint on things. The major reason behind this quiet epiphany is that I realised through events happening in my family that life is too short to be spent worrying about 'the small things' and that everyday is a chance to be grateful aand to share that gratitude. As it turned out my perspective needed an adjustment, and so I started looking into other ways of thinking. I found one book The Art of Happiness, that was a huge part in giving my outlook the nudge I needed. I think that if you give it a try, as hard as it might seem at first - the result is that the energy you put into the universe is what you get in return.

So everyday I try to recognise even just a few of the many awesome facets that make up this delightful comedy/tragedy/drama that is my life and give thanks for them. I encourage you to do the same.

For example today I am grateful for:
1. mi familia and the ever present sunshine,
2. my nephew's blindingly obvious love for dancing and music,
3. the beautiful morning I am greeted with,
4. my dear friends who know me inside and out, but they love me anyway (L, Little L, big D and E,
5. the opportunity to do something I love (ie: write and surround myself with music everyday),
6. the music of bob marley and every oldschool rock band that my father listened to when I was growing up.

As a start I'll go with the middle because the beginning, my true beginning was about twenty-two years ago and frankly that's a little too much ground to cover on one blog so I'll start from last week. That's as a good place to start as any.

Last week I decided that pining for someone who couldn't ever be mine for as long as I have, that enough was enough. I made an active decision to try and move on so I put myself out there, which is unusual for me because I'm shy that way. While it didn't work out the way I would have liked I decided that it was most definitely a good thing. I got to learn something more about the boundaries that I'd set for myself so long ago. It wasn't so bad, I'll admit at first the initial feeling of rejection stung a little bit but in the end it was something I needed to learn from. I've never really done anything like that before and the honest truth is that the entire concept of relationships is something maybe more than far from my realm of understanding, possibly because of my past track record.

Anyhow moving right along... On more than a few occasions I've had friends tell me that the things that happen in my life should be recorded as soap opera (the kind that is shown at night during prime time, the content isn't meant for daytime television). I was saying before that made an attempt at putting myself out there... I like to think of myself as a pretty honest person, at least I try to be. What happened was I told someone that I was attracted to them and not surprisingly I was shot down (gently, but shot down nonetheless) - and strangely enough I'm glad. I realised that maybe my motives were a little misguided (and possibly a little selfish) and I wouldn't have come to this conclusion any other way. So Mr Nemo thankyou for your honesty, it really was appreciated more than you know. And as before mentioned I learned something new about myself, until this happened I never really considered that I could let myself go enough to allow new people in.

This said, not long after all this happened a friend of mine let me down and while in the end it wasn't such a big deal overall for me... I just thought that she would have at least stopped to consider my feelings in all this knowing what she knew. I'm not in the least bit angry or hurt, mostly just disappointed given everything that we've been through together, and all the times I was there for her. Sadly, I was mistaken and yet I am once again humbled and grateful for learning something else. I have learned about a new degree of patience and my capacity to forgive. So rather than being angry or bitter or cold, I say thank you. Life is too short for anger or sadness or regrets. However, I owe my regrets for making me the person that I am. To the rest of my friends I say thankyou for being there for me for being around when I truly needed you and giving me support even though I may not have been all that receptive at the time, please don't think your efforts went unnoticed.

To all of you out there in the great wide web 'verse I propose this... Rather than losing your cool, being down on yourself, getting angry or getting even - Get high... as in high-minded. Prove to yourself that you are bigger than petty situations, don't bringyour work home with you, and get through your day with only love and joy in your heart because at the end of the day you'll find that your day is fuller and more worth while. I'll be honest, just like everyone else I don't always get to this point I am only human after all but the fact of the matter is that I try.

Peace, Harmony and most importantly Love to All.


Tuesday, July 21, 2009


I revel in this complicated tapestry
In this woven web created you've created for me.
There is only love and it makes me high.
Because love is love.
It surrounds from both below and above
And we're still here
That much is clear
It makes me high-minded, no longer flying blinded
It's time, I've decided
To make a difference
Of meaningful significance
So that you and I can be
All that and more than we see

Here with this universal love we share
We lock it down and expose ourselves bare

Hey you with your harsh outlook
Check it at the door
We've heard it all before
Nothing matters, everything matters
With your thoughts-a-plenty all clatter
Confusion and sadness your mind's erratic
Trying to sort through the static
This is not a tragic
Ending of sorts, despite the reports
But rather it is the start of your new
Point of view

From here always remember, from here till December
From then to whenever.
There is always love.

Today I am grateful for the ever gorgeous sun, for my friends whom I love, and the light in everybody.

Monday, July 20, 2009

a short story...

I sat on the train thinking about it way too much. I poured over every converstaion, every text message and everything in between. We all know how it is. The anxiety and anticipation flowered like milk in black coffee and clung to me like a wet towel. The 'what ifs' and expectations eeked through my conscience like oil. Was this date really a good idea? We were completely different people. We literally did not speak the same language, but did that matter? I didn't think so at the time. It's wonderful how hindsight changes everything. We came from different cultures, different worlds even. Like everyone else I tore this issue into proverbial shreds with my friends. We analysed every possible scenario, angle and detail. With his tongue in his cheek; a friend of mine reminded me that it had been a while since my horizons had last been widened, so to speak. As much as I hated to admit it, he had a point. My reluctance and apprehension quickly evaporated when I thought of Mr A, devilishly handsome and oh so charming as he was.

To be fair I had to give it a shot. On the bright side neither of us would ever have to explain or endure any of those excruciatingly awkward silences. That was the moment when I concluded that the pursuit of modern romance, is to flirt with disaster. It was a cool breezy Brisbane night and it seemed like nothing could possibly go wrong. That was until I locked my keys in my car and had a couple of near misses on my way home. I couldn't say whether it was my driving or my luck. In all honesty it oucld have been either. By the time I got there I barely had enough time to get myself date-ready.

After what felt like a thousand and one styling attempts I decided that hair down was the best way to go, and that the uncomfortable shoes with the fiddly straps would have the most appealing effect. Butterflies and ferrets flitted about my insides like children on crack. I looked at myself in the mirror and said to no one, 'This is as good as it's going to get'.

He parked outside and honked twice. Really? I thought. Is chivalry really dead? He can wait till I'm ready or he can come to the door. After an entire week of fantasising, anticipation and scrutiny, it was finally Date Night. And he was Honking at me? Was there a bumper sticker on my forehead that no one told me about?

When he came to the door it was about six o'clock. Mr A was in fine form with his button-up shirt in my absolute favourite colour, and the sleeves rolled halfway up his arms. It was that troublemaker smile plastered on his face that threw me, it was enough to heat my blood to a gentle simmer.

We walked over to his very shiny car. It was just as we were about to slide in, that the shoes which had my legs looking like they went for days, slid out from underneath me and had me land sheepishly on my derriere. It was definitely one of those days. Utterly embarassed at the way my arms and legs flailed like spastic pool noodles on my way down to meet the sidewalk, I gnawed on my lower lip as I slid inside. In a moment of perfect clarity I childishly I thought to myself, Why do I have to be such a butthead.

The car smelled like his expensive aftershave with the brand name I would never be able to afford. We went for a drive along the river and I laughed as he tried to translate his Turkish tunes into some semblance of speech that I would understand. In our own broken language that sounded almost like English we talked about where we came from and the things that mattered most to us.

I found that we had less in common than I had originally thought. He was a worldly businessman with a love for techy-house music, while I am an aspiring music journalist with barely two cents to rub together. What a couple! Everyone will say. I jeered at myself. I recall wondering whether I could be with someone who didn't like rock music. Despite the lack of common ground between us and the obvious language gap, we got along like two bananas in a very excitable blender.

It was at this point that I reconsidered and asked myself why I had been so worried in the first place. To my surprise our destination was not a ritzy restaurant or a cocktail bar, but rather the local ice-creamery not a stone's throw away from where I work. We shared a kiddy cup size ice-cream, he let me choose the flavours. Over the deliciously decadent ice-cream we talked even more and quickly reached the point where we could sit in silence comfortably, sporadically smiling and marvelling at ourselves and each other. Even with all the misunderstood understandings and the crossed wires and lines, the words cheesy and chemistry came to mind. I found it hard to believe that Mr A, the dream guy by all accounts, was unattached and crazy enough to find a geek like me interesting. It was not long afterwards that we made a move for the cinemas. I stood in front of the ticketbox silently hoping he would not opt for the chick-flick, I desperately hate chick-flicks.

We wound up watching the latest Jim Carrey, after all you cannot possibly go wrong with a good comedy. Then I found myself hoping that I wouldn't laugh so uncontrollably that I'd do that awful donkey/apeish heehaw thing which rises out of me on the odd occasion. I sat there giddy and disbelieving at how well things were turning out in spite of my fanstastic acrobatic display earlier. Evident by some incessant fidgeting, I struggled with the small birds darting back and forth in my stomach.

We reached the point in the movie and the date where each of our hands were inching towards one another on the armrest. Occasionally we would catch each other's eager glances. Then just as Carrey was about to do something truly outrageous/disgusting, Mr A's phone rings. He looked at the small evil glow of the caller-id and his face fell ever so slightly. In that particular instant a strange uh-oh feeling crept up my spine, I fully realised his expression could not have meant a good thing. Slowly and carefully he stood up and as he passed me on his way to take the call, he mumbled something about his wife and a new furniture delivery...

... a beginning

Every person has a story - every single person. Some write them down and send them out to share them with world. Others are shared in homes, on bar stools or even in passing between perfect strangers. The one thing that all stories have in common? They were all lived in some small measure or a large one. The events that transpired brought the end of their wakeful sleep, their lives of quiet frustration. Some tales are tragic and others triumphant. But nonetheless long, short, tragic or otherwise a story is a story - we all have one and it embodies everything we know. At the end of the day we are the culmination of life's learned lessons. We are our stories, each of the characters are our friends, enemies, lovers, family and parts of ourselves simultaneously. Such complex and ever resilient creatures we are, though we suffer the dealings of fate and fortune it does not stop us from reliving them time and again with each retelling. Each time finding another piece of ourselves.